Blue Sunday

Yesterday kind of sucked. Not for any particular reason, really. It was just a crappy day.

My girls and I hung around the house all day long. No amount of bribery or cajoling could convince them to change out of their pjs and get some fresh air. I guess they’re on the go so much throughout the week that they really just wanted a day to not have to rush around and go anywhere. Can’t say that I blame them, really.

We did lots of things together – tidied up, put up our Christmas tree and decorated the house for the holidays, played a couple of board games and baked muffins together. I let them watch PBS with the home made pancakes I made for breakfast. Dinner featured hand-cut french fries and home made apple crisp. The day ended with stories and snuggles in my bed before tucking the girls in and kissing them goodnight.

An outsider looking in would likely have called it a perfect day. Or if not ‘perfect’, then at least a damned good one.

The truth is that the problem was me. I had so many things going through my head yesterday. I worried about finances. I thought about upcoming dental work I’m facing (that’s a blog post to come later this week). I fretted over not having my Christmas shopping even close to finished. I thought about how my job seems rather pointless and unfulfilling. My mind kept going over and over so many different things. All the while I kept going through the motions yesterday. But even as I did it, I was edgy, irritable. I couldn’t enjoy my girls like I wanted to…which made me feel even more irritable. After all, we get precious little time together as it is. On top of everything else, I found myself feeling lonely and missing CBG. I felt sorry for myself, not having someone around to help me out and support me while I was feeling rotten.

I went to bed feeling sad and disappointed in myself. I didn’t even phone CBG to say goodnight; instead I copped out with an email, saying that I wasn’t feeling up to talking. Note to self: shutting down and pulling away is the shittiest cure for loneliness ever.

But today is a new day, now isn’t it? I am left with two choices: continue wallowing, or take a deep breath and keep on keepin’ on. There is no real reason why yesterday’s mood has to keep pulling me down today. And I plan on doing my damndest not to let all of my stresses and worries ruin another perfectly good day.

Here’s to a brand new day.

7 Responses

  1. The holidays stress all of us out, girl. Make lists!! They help me get the stuff outta my brain and feel like I can accomplish them.

    Enjoy your week!

  2. I hope this post helped turn things around for you a bit blues-wise…it seems to have, considering your closing statement around two choices. It happens to the best of us, sometimes, blues for no major reason, and then you sort of snap out of it.

  3. I hope that this is a much better day!

  4. I definitely hope you had a better day today. But then again, it was Monday. Shutting down when I’m upset or stressed is one of my biggest problems in a relationship. I need to learn to be more open with the people I love.

  5. I hope today was better! You’re so good at identifying how you’re feeling and WHY… I need to work on that.

  6. Hey, Momma, I just gotta say… I love your taste in music.

    The first time I ever heard this song? Shivers. Ohhhh, just thinking about it. Shivers. Nina Simone was all that.

    Some days, yeah, they suck. Some days, not so much. But when you have the time and the headphones (or the speakers) and can crank a couple tunes… Feelin’ Good, my friend, Feelin’ Good.

    Here’s to better days ahead!

  7. Girl, I understand this post so much.

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