I know that I’ve got issues, but you’re pretty messed up, too

Issues.  We’ve all got them. Some people are more aware of their issues than others, and more open to working on them. But whether we know we have them or not, they’re still there.

Relationships are funny things. When two people with issues come together, one of two things will happen. Your issues with either cause you to mesh or clash.

My marriage is a perfect example. My issues and my ex’s issues came together in such a way that we were constantly triggering one another. His insecurities would poke at mine. His negative tendencies would bring out the worst in me…and vice versa. We made each other worse.

A good example of this is my tendency to depend too much on other people, particularly when I’m in a relationship. This worked with his tendency to control people and situations. Mix the two together and you had a relationship that was, in many ways, more like a parent and child than a partnership of equals. For a long time, this worked for us…until I finally lifted my head up and took a look around and realized that this was not the life I wanted – at all.

And for the record, even though we’re not together anymore, we can still sometimes fall into these same roles. And I hate it, hate it – HATE IT.

Sometimes in relationships when two people come together, they are able to recognize and even compensate for the other person’s issues. True partnership. For example, CBG knows all about my tendency toward over-dependence on others. So he is often careful to give me space when I need it, so I can figure things out on my own. He’s always there when I need him to be, but he doesn’t try to fix anything for me. That’s just one example. There are other places where we are able to give each other help and perspective as we each deal with our own issues. Our individual insecurities don’t poke at the other person. We are individuals sharing a life together, not two individuals becoming entwined and making the other worse.

A healthy relationship is a beautiful thing, my friends. And though we do have our issues and challenges that we face, I feel confident that together we will work through them with understanding, compassion and respect. And that is such a good feeling.

10 Responses

  1. Hells to the yeah!

    Here’s to seeing each other PAST our issues. ;)

  2. What a great feeling that must be! Know that you two have something very special.
    You both deserve it!

  3. Dude.

    Best.Post.Ever.

    Love,

    QT

  4. Relationships are not about hiding your crazies, but finding someone whose crazy matches yours.

  5. That is great.

  6. I love this post!!!

    I’m in my first, relationship that I could call “healthy” and respectful. It sounds like you have a similar respect and understanding with CBG.

  7. Issues…man I’m pretty sure I’m Queen of issues. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever work out/work past any of my issues! lol

  8. so true..i could totally connect with you..what u seem to have with CBG is rare and precious..treasure it and build upon it..always reciprocate and express gratitude..not necessarily verbally..good going guys..

  9. […] that we each need to be aware of and sensitive to when it comes to the other person. After all, we all have issues. Communicating about those issues is required so that each person can be aware of what the other […]

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