Priorities and Patience

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about priorities and having patience.

This past week, CBG and I had a mutual freak-out about our relationship. It started with me, and one short conversation had HIM convinced that maybe he needed to re-examine things, too.

It wasn’t about how we feel about one another. That part has never been in question. It was about everything else – finances, travelling to see one another, our kids, making this work until we’re able to be together.

Thank goodness the mutual freak out only lasted overnight. I woke up the next morning, went for a run, and let my brain work things out. I felt a thousand times better afterwards.

Part of my problem is that I’m feeling dissatisfied with a number of things in my life right now. I made a list – about 10 things that simply aren’t as I want them to be right now. To see it written out like that, well, that amounts to A LOT. It’s pretty disheartening. It made me feel like I’ve got absolutely no focus in my life right now. And at almost 36 years old, that’s a pretty scary thing.

I’ve come to a very important conclusion: I can’t have it all. At least not right now, anyway. It’s just not realistic given the current circumstances of my life.

What I’ve realized is, I need to learn to be okay with that. I’ve just been flailing around, without really having a plan. That’s what I mean about priorities. I need to figure out what’s most important here, and focus on those things, knowing that there will eventually come a time to make the other things happen as well. And well, that’s what having patience involves, which admittedly, I’m not very good at.

But it’s something I must learn to become good at.  Otherwise, I’m going to drive myself nuts, bouncing around, not doing anything particularly productive, and being dissastisfied with everything. It’s time to set my priorities, buckle down and focus on them, and let go of everything else for now.

It’s what I have to do. It may take a lot of trial-and-error, but I’ll get there.

7 Responses

  1. Damn, I’m dealing with all the same stuff right now. I go back and forth between what is *easy* and makes sense for my kids and what would make me *happy* and make sense for me. Part of my issue is impatience. Lots of impatience. I want it all now. And yes, part of that is because I’m not satisfied with the other things in my life now…. Let us know what you figure out. :)

  2. Wow, the more I read about your life the more I see how much we have in common. I am also 35, divorced and a single mom, long distance relationship, impatient for all my disasters / issues / struggles / dramas to start to resolve themselves (and no real clear idea how to make that all happen for myself).

    I struggle so much with patience. I have about three or four areas of my life I’m just so unhappy about right now. Most of them are related to a lack of control. I freak out about what I can’t control, and I HAVE to let it go or I’ll make myself nuts.

    I guess, just know you’re not alone. Eventually we will probably be the most patient people on the planet. That or we’ll go nuts!!

    • At this point, I’m going to have to vote for the ‘nuts’ part. ;-)

      I hear you on the control thing. Which is ironic, considering my ex was a very controlling person.

  3. Mine too! Which is why (according to my shrink) I need to have control now that I’m on my own.

    It’s things like what will happen when he gets out of prison (he’s there for trying to shoot me) that just torment me, because there is no way for me to control that situation. All I can do is prepare my kids and myself over the next year until he’s released next March and try to keep us as safe as possible once he’s out.

  4. Oh Sunshine, I so know exactly how you’re feeling.

    Life is so hard sometimes, isn’t it? Focusing on the positive and taking steps to get where you want to be is sooo much easier said than done. In my own life, I’ve tried to tackle one thing at a time- as in, what can I do TODAY to make me feel better about my situation… and somehow, little by little… it’s working. Some things will never change, and I’m trying to accept that, but for the most part, I’m keeping my face to the Sunshine. I know you will too, you seem to have a knack with finding the positive in things!! *hugs*

  5. I just found your blog and am enjoying reading it. As a fellow single mom I must say your words, “I can’t have it all…at least right now” ring so true. The key for me is accepting that and not worrying and getting frustrated. I look forward to reading more…

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