“Happily Ever After” Kinda Scares Me

I got thinking last night, about how I’ve still got a more than healthy dose of cynicism about love.

It’s funny…considering how much I blab on and on about my awesome man.

But I realized that when I hear of someone getting married (particularly if the person is under 30 and it’s a first marriage), my gut instinct is to tell them to “RUUUUUUUUUJN!!! DON’T DO IT!!!!!!”

Sometimes I feel like quoting them divorce statistics.

Um…cynical much?

I always do the same thing, though. I smile and congratulate them, and keep the cynicism to myself.

Last night I watched the movie “Enchanted” with my girls. It’s all about fairy tales coming true. And I cried. Not a lot, mind you, but that sappy love story crap gets me every single time.

I find myself torn, I guess. Torn between wanting to believe in “happily ever after”, and still feeling the bitter sting of how it feels when that particular ending gets snatched away slowly dissolves over time.

I look at CBG and feel so much hope. I remember when he and I first met and we talked about the whole, “would we ever get remarried again” question. We both answered with a resounding “hell no!!” Ask us that same question today, a little more than a year later, and the answer would be a whole lot different. Not that anyone’s proposed or anything, but it’s definitely something that we have discussed on more than one occasion.

But then, in the quiet, when I am alone, the thought of getting married again – to anyone - makes me panic inside, just a little. Panic because there are no guarantees in life. Panic because I was so certain that things were going to last with my exhusband, and they didn’t – so why are they going to be so different a second time around?

I know that I’m not alone in this. Learning to let go of that cynicism really put your heart out there after being burned so badly isn’t easy for any of us. I guess it’s just a matter of putting those fears to rest…and reminding myself that not only is CBG not my exhusband, I’m also not the same woman I was a decade ago when I got married the first time around.

I’ve lived and I’ve learned…and I’m a better person for it.

And it’s true…there are no guarantees in this life. All I can do is tell myself that “happily ever after” is a good goal to have…and work like hell to make sure I get there.

8 Responses

  1. Getting married again doesn’t scare me as much as *being* married again. I’m afraid of getting married and then, if things get tough (and they always get tough sometimes, don’t they?), feeling trapped. I dread that feeling of, “I guess I made my bed, and now I’ve got to lie in it.”
    The idea of committing again makes me happy, but the idea of regretting it later makes me terrified. So, yeah, I know what you mean.

  2. I’m going to tell you my favorite quote ever because I think it fits here sweetness.

    “Love is giving someone the power to destroy you. And trusting that they won’t.”

    Hugs

  3. Great quote, QT.

    That said, in my 8 years of being single, and w/a couple relationships sprinkled in there along the way, it was only recently that I have warmed up to the IDEA of being married again someday. Of course, that whole finding a groom thing has to be considered first which so far remains elusive.

  4. Uh huh. Yep. DItto.

    xxoo

  5. I’ve lived, I’ve learned, and I’m a better person for it – DAMN STRAIGHT! Totally agree. And agree with your post too. I don’t think it’s cynical at all, it’s just being real and judging from past experience. IMHO.

  6. The scariest thing in the world is sharing ourselves completely with someone else. I don’t think fearing that is about being cynical, but more about truly understanding how big and scary it is. Those of us who have survived a divorce and break ups know that and are reluctant to set ourselves up to experience that kind of pain…ever again.

    Chin up. Thinking of you!

  7. My take on it is this; girls (and sometimes boys to) are conditioned to think that love is like a fairy tale, and that there’s ONE Mr. Right out there.

    I really think this is where half of the problem lies.

    There are MANY men out there we could conceivably be happy with.

    But we fall in love with one, and get married. Where a lot (but not all) of this goes terribly wrong is the phase after falling in love. Falling in love is the easy part. Falling in love just ‘happens.’ When you get married, you’re making the DECISION to continue loving that person for the rest of your life.

    When couples hit hard times, they often reach out (or accidentally reach out) to someone who is not their spouse, and this person is easy to talk to, ‘gets’ them, and so the spouse figures, well THIS man must really be my soulmate. Not true. Again, falling in love is the easy part The grass is always going to be greener.

    I think if girls need to realize that that there IS more than one person you could be happy with, but being married is a COMMITMENT and decision to continue to love your spouse.

    I’m on my second marriage. I didn’t ‘get’ what I wrote above the first time around. I didn’t get the commitment I was making. I thought I fell in love, and the rest would be a piece of cake. I didn’t really realize that I was making a commitment to keep loving my spouse. When I fell out of love with him, I blamed it on him, but I think it had just as much to do with me not being committed since I assumed the love was just always supposed to be there.

    • I agree that after the falling in love phase, continuing to love someone is a decision, absolutely. With my ex, I realize that I fell “out of love” with him, and then made the decision to stop loving him altogether. Not to make excuses for myself, but I was deeply depressed at the time and my decision was based heavily on that factor.

      I firmly believe that the relationship that I’m in now is meant to last. I learned a lot the first time around, like you did, and I’m committed to not making those same mistakes again.

      Thanks for the great comment! :)

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