I got thinking last night, about how I’ve still got a more than healthy dose of cynicism about love.
It’s funny…considering how much I blab on and on about my awesome man.
But I realized that when I hear of someone getting married (particularly if the person is under 30 and it’s a first marriage), my gut instinct is to tell them to “RUUUUUUUUUJN!!! DON’T DO IT!!!!!!”
Sometimes I feel like quoting them divorce statistics.
I always do the same thing, though. I smile and congratulate them, and keep the cynicism to myself.
Last night I watched the movie “Enchanted” with my girls. It’s all about fairy tales coming true. And I cried. Not a lot, mind you, but that sappy love story crap gets me every single time.
I find myself torn, I guess. Torn between wanting to believe in “happily ever after”, and still feeling the bitter sting of how it feels when that particular ending gets snatched away slowly dissolves over time.
I look at CBG and feel so much hope. I remember when he and I first met and we talked about the whole, “would we ever get remarried again” question. We both answered with a resounding “hell no!!” Ask us that same question today, a little more than a year later, and the answer would be a whole lot different. Not that anyone’s proposed or anything, but it’s definitely something that we have discussed on more than one occasion.
But then, in the quiet, when I am alone, the thought of getting married again – to anyone - makes me panic inside, just a little. Panic because there are no guarantees in life. Panic because I was so certain that things were going to last with my exhusband, and they didn’t – so why are they going to be so different a second time around?
I know that I’m not alone in this. Learning to let go of that cynicism really put your heart out there after being burned so badly isn’t easy for any of us. I guess it’s just a matter of putting those fears to rest…and reminding myself that not only is CBG not my exhusband, I’m also not the same woman I was a decade ago when I got married the first time around.
I’ve lived and I’ve learned…and I’m a better person for it.
And it’s true…there are no guarantees in this life. All I can do is tell myself that “happily ever after” is a good goal to have…and work like hell to make sure I get there.
Filed under: CBG, figuring stuff out, living and learning, me stuff, negativity, overthinking, pointless rambling, the ex Tagged: | canadian bald guy, divorce, life, love, marriage, relationships, singlemom