The Benefits of Being in a Long Distance Relationship

Longdistancerelationship-main_FullI realize that I spend a lot of time whining about being in a long distance relationship. I’m working on it, I really am. I’ve been trying, quite hard this week, to remain positive about this situation. When I do my best to focus on the positives, I realize that there are actually good things, for me (at least right now) about being in a long distance relationship. One of things that my counselor and I discussed recently was the fact that for me, at the stage of my life I’m in right now, being in a long distance relationshp is actually pretty beneficial.

- Time apart gives me plenty of time to “work on me”. I’m still in the process of getting my act (and my life together). I know that if CBG and I were in the same city, we’d be together as much as possible. The fact that we have these “forced times apart” gives me time and opportunity to do some deep thinking, spend some time healing, and just generally take care of myself. Right now I still very much need that.

- Time apart allows me to reflect on our relationship. I’m no relationship expert, that’s for sure. I made my fair share of mistakes in my marriage, mistakes that I’m still figuring out, still understanding, still trying to make better. Hopefully, having lots of time to think (but not OVERthink) about my relationship with CBG will help me to ensure that it’s better

- Time apart gives me lots of dedicated time with my girls. Of course, they love CBG (and why shouldn’t they!) but for right now, I love that I still have them “all to myself” most of the time. Selfish, I know…but it allows me to work on maintaining a close relationship with them, which is #1 on my priority list.

- Time apart gives me plenty of alone time. This was discussed on T’s Quest just this week – this whole idea of finding balance between “I” and “we”. Of course, given the choice, I would certainly prefer spending more time with CBG. But since that’s not possible, I’m able to appreciate the fact that I have more than enough alone time, just to do my own thing, hang out with my friends, or whatever.

- Because we are apart, it allows me to work on my independence. I was with my exhusband for 10 years. He and I very much had a parent-child type of relationship, with him in the parent role. This created a situation where I leaned far too heavily on him for everything – advice, support, guidance. Being in a position where I need to rely on myself – my own judgment, my own resources, my own inner strength – for possibly the first time in my life, is a very good thing for me.  I am finding strength in places that I never imagined I would.

- Time apart helps us to appreciate our time together even more. There’s nothing sweeter than that first hug after having spent a couple of weeks apart. He and I are so busy enjoying our time and appreciating each other that there’s little time for anything else. We have yet to have an “argument”, even. We’ve certainly had some very serious and upsetting (though calm and rational) conversations, but as far as argue, it just hasn’t happened (though realistically I know that eventually it will). For now I will enjoy this stage that we are in, something that I think has a lot to do with the fact that we both recognize how precious our time is together.

Naturally, given the choice, I would change our circumstances in a heartbeat. But since that’s something that isn’t going to happen right now, I need to accept this place that we are at in our relationship, and while I’m at it, I might as well appreciate the good that is there in our situation.

There is good in everything. The key is making the choice to go looking for it, when it isn’t always so obvious.

10 Responses

  1. Yep. Exactly. I agree with all of this, you know I do.

    But there are still times when it SUCKS!

    Heh.

    Thanks for turning things around for me today. :)

    • Of course it sucks….there’s absolutely no doubt about that. But it’s good sometimes to appreciate those things about being in an LDR that *are* positive….cuz lord knows I whine enough.

      *hugs*

  2. So true and wise!

    I’m not in a LDR – just across town actually, but as we are both the ‘primary carers’ of our kids and we live in little tiny houses (not big enough to sleep three kids plus us anyhow – or at least not very easily), then we might as well be. The forced ‘gaps’ do give us time to think and breathe and stop either of us from being able to ‘live our lives through the other’…I do wonder sometimes if we could make it work if we didn’t have that space to stop and count to ten.

    It does feel like whoever is up there pulling the strings has put ‘L’ plates on me and Alan, so that we can ‘practice’ being in a relationship…so yeah, lots of good things about the situation. But yes, how I’d like to have lots of onsecutive ‘dull’ evenings with Alan, some ordinary time, not time that always feels a little pressured, a little stop/start, like one of us is always on the brink of leaving. It feels like there is not enough continuity.

    Maybe the grass will always look greener. I can perfectly imagine that if we lived in the same house I would be longing for a bit of ‘me’ time and wondering what an earth I did with it all when I some.

    I read this post today http://www.dan-roberts.net/?p=1254 about ‘mindfulness’. I think it could be the answer! (I think it means just being where you are…).

    Take care x

  3. Just remember to refer back to this post the next time you’re in a ‘funk’.

    XOX

  4. [...] Read more from the original source: The Benefits of Being in a Long Distance Relationship « Sunshine … [...]

  5. What wise words in this post, I was going to say the same thing as CBG. Please don’t be mad.

  6. [...] fact, Momma Sunshine has outlined the benefits of being in a long distance relationship on her [...]

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