I realize that I spend a lot of time whining about being in a long distance relationship. I’m working on it, I really am. I’ve been trying, quite hard this week, to remain positive about this situation. When I do my best to focus on the positives, I realize that there are actually good things, for me (at least right now) about being in a long distance relationship. One of things that my counselor and I discussed recently was the fact that for me, at the stage of my life I’m in right now, being in a long distance relationshp is actually pretty beneficial.
- Time apart gives me plenty of time to “work on me”. I’m still in the process of getting my act (and my life together). I know that if CBG and I were in the same city, we’d be together as much as possible. The fact that we have these “forced times apart” gives me time and opportunity to do some deep thinking, spend some time healing, and just generally take care of myself. Right now I still very much need that.
- Time apart allows me to reflect on our relationship. I’m no relationship expert, that’s for sure. I made my fair share of mistakes in my marriage, mistakes that I’m still figuring out, still understanding, still trying to make better. Hopefully, having lots of time to think (but not OVERthink) about my relationship with CBG will help me to ensure that it’s better
- Time apart gives me lots of dedicated time with my girls. Of course, they love CBG (and why shouldn’t they!) but for right now, I love that I still have them “all to myself” most of the time. Selfish, I know…but it allows me to work on maintaining a close relationship with them, which is #1 on my priority list.
- Time apart gives me plenty of alone time. This was discussed on T’s Quest just this week – this whole idea of finding balance between “I” and “we”. Of course, given the choice, I would certainly prefer spending more time with CBG. But since that’s not possible, I’m able to appreciate the fact that I have more than enough alone time, just to do my own thing, hang out with my friends, or whatever.
- Because we are apart, it allows me to work on my independence. I was with my exhusband for 10 years. He and I very much had a parent-child type of relationship, with him in the parent role. This created a situation where I leaned far too heavily on him for everything – advice, support, guidance. Being in a position where I need to rely on myself – my own judgment, my own resources, my own inner strength – for possibly the first time in my life, is a very good thing for me. I am finding strength in places that I never imagined I would.
- Time apart helps us to appreciate our time together even more. There’s nothing sweeter than that first hug after having spent a couple of weeks apart. He and I are so busy enjoying our time and appreciating each other that there’s little time for anything else. We have yet to have an “argument”, even. We’ve certainly had some very serious and upsetting (though calm and rational) conversations, but as far as argue, it just hasn’t happened (though realistically I know that eventually it will). For now I will enjoy this stage that we are in, something that I think has a lot to do with the fact that we both recognize how precious our time is together.
Naturally, given the choice, I would change our circumstances in a heartbeat. But since that’s something that isn’t going to happen right now, I need to accept this place that we are at in our relationship, and while I’m at it, I might as well appreciate the good that is there in our situation.
There is good in everything. The key is making the choice to go looking for it, when it isn’t always so obvious.
Filed under: CBG, dating, figuring stuff out, happiness, me stuff, positivity, The "L" Word Tagged: | canadian bald guy, happiness, life, long distance relationship, love, positivity, relationships, singlemom