Love Doesn’t Always Make Sense

So….yeah. We’ve already established that I’m a hopeless romantic and that I’ve been in love before .

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past week or so, the whole love thing, and how lucky I am to be feeling what I’m feeling right now, and to have someone who feels the same way. I have been spending the last week immersed in a sense of deep gratitude for everything that I have right now.

I spoke with my mom this week, and one of the things that we talked about, naturally, was that CBG and I decided to try again.

My mom doesn’t get it.

When I told her that CBG and I had gotten back together, she was as surprised as anyone…since it really did come out of the blue. But she was more than just surprised, she was also wary, and just a teensy bit negative about it.

Sure, she’s my momma and all, and it’s only natural that she’s going to be a little wary of the man who broke my heart three months ago (when I’m honest about it, though, we broke each other’s hearts…just for the record), but still. I’d hoped that she’d be a little happier for me than she was.

The thing is, though, that for my mom, it’s more about the practicality of the situation. She’d much rather see me dating someone who lives in the same city and doesn’t have children of his own to support (she’s basically said as much). Nothing personal against CBG – she’s never even met the man.

At first, her attitude really irritated me. A lot. But then I realized something. She’s probably never felt this way before. At the very least, she’s the kind of person who lets her head make her decisions for her. She’s definitely not the kind of person to let her heart be her guide and just jump into the deep end of the pool on nothing more than blind faith.

I started thinking about my mom’s life. My mom visually impaired and went to a special school as a child until she was an adolescent. I remember her telling stories about how there was this certain boy who went to the same school that she was very “smitten” with. I never did find out all of the details about what happened with this guy, but she ultimately decided to be with my dad. I remember her saying, more than once, how it just wasn’t practical for two “blind people” to get together, because it just made life so much harder.

So she chose a man with perfect vision, who I don’t think ever made her happy.

Now, obviously no one knows if getting together with this other dude would have been any better. But at the very least, I have an idea that she’s spent a good part of her adult life wondering “what if”. I mean, she was still talking to me about this no longer than 15 years ago…a whole lifetime after she last saw this boy.

I don’t want to be that person.

I know that so much of this with CBG doesn’t make practical sense on paper. All I do know is that in my heart, it feels right. I connect with him on a level that I’ve never connected with anyone. When we’re together I’m filled with an excitement and enthusiasm for life that I’ve only ever felt in fleeting moments before in my whole life. I look at him and see so many possibilities for the two of us – opportunities for love and growth and sharing and living.

I would rather take a risk with someone that I know that I love, than settle for someone who “makes sense”.

Because love doesn’t always make sense.